I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
