first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
