I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
His nipple licking is glorious
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