He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
