Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
