well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
