im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
