Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
