Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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