I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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