I think I just saw someone hide a body.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Randomize
