Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
