My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So squirting runs in the family.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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