Will you blow on my dice?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
