She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
