a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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