found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Randomize
