either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
