Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
