I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
