hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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