kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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