why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
