How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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