Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
