from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
