I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
