I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
another moral hangover. fuck.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
