Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
