Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
