he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We're too hungover to prance.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
