upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
