someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
