I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
