My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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