her vagine was all disorganized.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
