I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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