Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
