my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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