white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
