i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
