so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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