Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Green mimosas i think yes
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
