well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
