I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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