She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
