as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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