If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
