put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
