I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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