I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
