Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
