Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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