there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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