Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
