I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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