My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
